“Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”

I found solace in the emptiness. My belly is thin and caving in. My joints and bones protruding. My body continues to grow weak and the urges grew stronger. After 9 days of starving myself, when I couldn’t stand the hunger any more.  Just an apple is enough for today. That’s all i deserve.

They say that it’s a slow suicide, to leave your body so far beyond denial. But I didn’t know how to stop. I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. No one understood all the pain I felt, I could not get rid of this weight deep within me. No matter how thin I made myself get, it was never enough, I am exhausted, and I’m tired of hating my own body.

 I long for this to be over.

I want to stop hating myself.

I want to love my body. I want to inhabit her, enjoy her, care for her, and defend her. And I no longer want to be yet another voice telling her she’s disgusting or embarrassing or inadequate or not enough. 

When your healthy self is strong enough to overcome with all that comes your way in life, your eating disorder self will no longer be useful or necessary.

Start your Journey Today.